We know, we know: Your tongue feels like a tennis ball and your eyes are steel bearings burning your skull. Whatever you did last night that seemed like the greatest idea ever has turned out to be not such a great idea at all. But that was then, this is now.
You need some food. Something familiar. But please for the love of all that is holy, not too fancy or difficult.
We’ve got you covered. The following are the breakfast places where savvy Las Vegas partiers go to nurse a hangover. Curl up in a booth and order a coffee; you can thank us later.
GRIDDLE CAFE
You might have heard the hype on this LA transplant, which can attract lines of the tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to carb up. An extensive menu of gussied-up pancakes, French toast, waffles, eggs and burgers may overwhelm your alcohol-addled brain, so let us save you time: Order “Hear Me Roar” pancakes, a triple stack nearly the diameter of a vinyl LP, with Frosted Flakes and strawberries in the batter for a crunchy-cakey-sweet-tart experience. Or go semi-healthy with the spicy Slash-approved “World On Fire” egg white scramble with caramelized onions, grilled jalapeño and chicken chorizo. But first, order the “bottomless” French Press coffee. Quick service tip: Get a seat at the diner-style kitchen counter—and try not to be traumatized by the wall of booze! In SLS.
CITIZENS KITCHEN & BAR
Here’s the hook for Citizens: They have a full juice bar, with a bunch of different blends (from carrot-ginger-almond to honeydew and cantaloupe) that are going to get you feeling right fast. Unless you’d rather just go for the hair of the dog that is The Raging Bull (Absolut hibiscus, Pom juice, Red Bull). Soak that up with a big meaty corned beef hash skillet or their “famous” bacon egg and cheese on a donut sandwich. You better Instagram that one. In Mandalay Bay.
CABO WABO CANTINA
Seriously, are we recommending Sammy Hagar’s party bar for breakfast? Yeah, actually, because no matter what you think of the Red Rocker or his tequila (sorry, did I say that too loud?), the chef here is a legit Mexico City native who cooks traditional comida and American comfort classics equally well—and at prices that might just be cheaper than the boring coffee shop in your hotel. Get the chicken chilaquiles (tortillas, queso, onions—ask for both salsas) and yes, you do want a michelada to go with it. In Planet Hollywood.
CULINARY DROPOUT
Somehow you got stranded at the Hard Rock Hotel. This is not the time to judge, or to solve mysteries. This is the time to Dropout. Reasons? 1. The chairs are comfortable and the décor is no weirder than your sketchy memories of the last 12 hours. 2. You’ll say you’re going to get the egg white frittata, with asparagus and mushrooms, but just change that to the Cap’n Crunch crusted French Toast before the server walks away. Who are you kidding? 3. Bacon-infused vodka bloody marys. No, we won’t repeat that. In Hard Rock Hotel.
VICKIE’S WHITE CROSS DINER
If you’re looking for the nitty gritty, take the Strip a little bit North of the Stratosphere and check out Vickie’s, formerly Tiffany’s, a classic diner counter that has been there since the White Cross pharmacy filled Elvis’ prescriptions. (It’s true!). The drug store has become a market, but the lunch counter is still open 24/7, 365 days, serving three-egg breakfasts with ribeye, trout, or even liver to in-the-know locals. Or try a Paul Bunyan burger (that’s a 1 lb. patty with extra cheese, bacon or mushrooms and fries) for under $10, a good six dollars less than whatever the heck they call that flat thing at Guy Fieri’s. 1700 Las Vegas Blvd. South.
FULTON STREET FOOD HALL
A step up from a food court, the new food hall at Harrah’s elevates the grab-and-go dining experience—especially in the quiet morning hours when you don’t even have to pick up your own food. Yes, breakfast is the one meal they do table service for here, and more interesting than you’d expect—whether the Nova lox on mini bagels or the Tuscany Benedict (Parma ham and tomato concasse) grabs you, or you just want a soft and super-sweet cinnamon roll. If you’re getting a drink, order the Rosemary’s Baby. But wait till later to Google the name. In Harrah’s.
MTO CAFE
There are a few places around Fremont Street to get breakfast—but do they have lemon poppyseed pancakes with blueberry-ginger compote? Chicken in a waffle (you read that right)? Or, yeah, just for you, the Hangover Burger with bacon, fried egg, Tillamook cheddar, special sauce and fries? No, they do not. Only one place does, and does it all Made To Order. Good veggie/vegan options here, too.
PEPPERMILL
A must-see classic that has held on since the glory days of the Mob-era Strip, the Peppermill offers funky, 70s-era fantasy with a circular fire pit and a tree growing in the middle of the dining room. The food is fairly standard diner fare, but hey—that’s exactly what you’re looking for, right? And believe me, these waitresses will not bat an eye, no matter your condition. 2985 Las Vegas Blvd South.
*Photos courtesy of E.C. Gladstone